Cannot Guarantee No Nuts
Well, I got this dairy, I make milk, yeah, particularly. I’m a milkman. Not a biggy one; I only got a dozen cows including me wife. So I decided to go supermarkets. I mean, I wanna my bottles up into Tesco, you see.
Then this middleman came and told me this and that, yeah, he was concerned about allergy. Says, you have to guarantee no nuts, no strawberries, no milk. Otherwise, customers drink your product and be dead right away. First turn red, then turn blue and then fall totally dead, not moving at all.
So I told him, I cannot guarantee no strawberries, because me stupid brainless cows break loose from time to time and then strut straight into a strawberry field. No, seriously, they eat me strawberries and it goes straight into the milk.
I cannot guarantee no nuts. I got this chap to help me. He sometimes milks the cows. Oh, poor animal! He’s completely nuts! You should come and see him.
Then I cannot guarantee no milk because even after I dissolve the white stuff with tap water, there is still some milk left in that milk, for sure!
So, I told the naughty wanker, the middleman I mean, to get himself stuffed. I need not no Tesco, I better sell milk to the village people. They are good folks and know that real milk should contain a great deal of strawberries and nuts, and then some milk of course… and tap water.