Funny Bird Jokes

Who wrote "Great Eggspectations"?
Charles Chickens did.

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What did the hen say when she laid a square egg?
Ouch!

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Which bird never runs but is always out of breath?
A puffin.

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What did the duck say when she finished shopping?
Just put it on my bill.

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Mrs Smith had a very clever parrot and when her friend Ms Turberville came to refreshments she could not resist showing him off.
"If you pull this string on his right leg, he'll sing the national anthem. And if you pull the string on his left leg, he'll sing Rule Britannia."
"That's amazing," said Ms Turberville. "But what will happen if I pull both string at once?"
"I'll fall off my perch, you silly ole twitt," exclaimed the parrot.

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Why are there so many pigeons in railway stations?
Because they like to do a lot of train-spotting.

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What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.

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Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up!

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Little birdie in the sky,
Dropping things from way up high.
Dave the Farmer wipes his eye,
Very thankful pigs can't fly!

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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head.

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Why was Batman looking for worms?
Because Robin was hungry.

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Why should not schools be built near chicken farms?
To avoid the pupils overhearing fowl language.

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What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie-talkie.

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What do pelicans, eagles and Hillary Clinton have in common?
They all got ugly Bills.

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Billy Bob: My canary died of flu.
Betty: I had no idea they got flu.
Billy Bob: Mine flew into a car.

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A monster decided to become a TV star, so he wnet to see a talent scout.
What do you do? - asked the scout.
Bird impressions, - said the monster.
What kind of impressions?
I eat worms.

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Billy Bob: My wife eats like a bird.
Jim: You mean she hardly eats anything?
Billy Bob: No, I mean she eats slugs and worms. Yuk!

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Why did the sparrow fly into the library?
He was looking for bookworms.

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