Funny Short Cooking Jokes
How do you like your cooking jokes? A helping of fresh brain and fisheye salad sounds funny enough?
Customer: I'd like to order a piece of steak as tough as old boot leather, some peas as hard as bullets and a helping of greasy chips.
Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger?
Waiter, this fish isn't as good as the one I had last week.
Waiter, how do you serve mussels here?
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a caterpillar?
What did the man say after he was given a bowl of vegetable soup?
Who makes suits and eats spinach?
Waiter, this pancake tastes awful!
Are you a vegetarian because you love animals?
Waiter, how long will my sausages be?
Customer: A pork chop, please and make it lean.
Garcon, there's a smelly film on my soup!
Waiter, you've got your thumb on my steak!
Waiter, there is no chicken in this chicken pie.
Which room has no door, no windows, no floor and no roof?
"What is the secret of living to the age of 100?" the reporter asked the elderly man.
Pupil: "Are slugs tasty, madam?"
1st Cannibal: "Am I late for supper?"
Where do you wash your dishes after having fish and chips?
"I wish I liked your sister," said a cannibal to a friend at dinner.
Tramp: Would you give me 30 pence for a pie, lady?
What cheese is made backwards?
A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night.
Jodie went into a Westend cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream covered with chocolate and nuts.
Two cannibals were having dinner.
I've just swallowed a bone.
How do you mend a pizza?
"Those raisin pasties you sold me yesterday had three cockroaches in them," a customer complained to the baker.
Garcon, I am in a hurry, will my pizza be long?
What is the difference between pea soup and roast chicken?
"Garcon, my fish is bad," complained the customer.
Waiter, what do you call this pee in my cup: coffee or tea?
What did the banana sitting in the sun say to the other banana sitting in the sun?
What do Martians use to cook their dinner?
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
Waiter, I'd like some fish, please!
What would you call a mischievous egg?
What is yellow, brown and hairy?
"Do you say your prayers before meals?" the pope Benedict asked a little boy.
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
A pilot flying over the Amazon jungle ran out of petrol and decided to catapult out of the damn machine. So he jumped, the parachute opened and he drifted gently towards land.
How do you make a sausage roll?
What do cannibals eat at the cocktail parties?
Waiter, do you have frogs legs?
"Shall I bring your dinner on deck?" asked the steward onto a ship passenger.
Why did the woman take a heap of oats to bed?
Customer: A sirloin steak, please.
Where do bakers keep their dough?
Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
How much are these eggs?
What did the cannibal have for breakfast?
Do you serve women in this bar?
Do you serve crabs in this restaurant?
A lady was buying a turkey but she wasn't pleased with the one the butcher offered her.
Why should you never tell secrets in a greengrocers?
There was this man in the restaurant and he said onto the waiter: Listen, boy, bring me a Chardonnay wine, and I would like it in an ice bucket please.
Tramp: The lady next door gave me a piece of home-made pie. Will you give me something too?
Waiter, this apple pie is squashed.
Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
What did orange squash say to the water?
Miss, this egg is bad.
I hope these short cooking jokes made you sick. I can suggest a good cleaning liquid for your keyboard.
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