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Funny Elephant Jokes

Read this if you want to know if you have an elephant in your fridge. Wait, what's that noise?

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What did the hotel manager say to the elephant who, after running up a large bill, couldn't pay.
"Pack your trunk and beat it before I call the police."



How do you stop an elephant from smelling?
Tie a knot in his trunk.


What is big, green, hangs in a tree and has a trunk?
An unripe elephant.


What do you get if you cross an elephant with a ghost?
An elephantom!


What has two grey legs and two green legs?
A sick elephant.
What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhoea.


What's the same size and shape as an elephant but weighs nothing?
An elephant's shadow.


Why can't an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn't have thumbs to ring the bell.


How can you tell if an elephant has been sleeping in your bed?
The sheets are wrinkled and the bed smells of peanuts.


What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smellyphant.


What do you call a man with an elephant on his head?
Squashed.


A man was standing in the middle of the road sprinkling powder all around him.
"What are you doing, mate?" asked a passerby.
"I am sprinkling some anti-elephant powder around," the man replied.
"But there aren't any elephants around here, eh!"
"I know. Well, here you are!" the man said proudly. "Good stuff is this powder, innit?"


Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them apart from canaries.


What magazine do elephants read to see what's on fashion?
Elle-phant.


How do you fit an elephant into a matchbox?
Take out the matches.
And how do you fit a tiger into a matchbox?
Take out the elephant.


Why do elephants have flat feet?
From jumping out of tall trees.



An elephant ran away from circus and ended up in an old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before and she rang the police.
"Please come quick!" she said to the police officer who answered the phone.
"There is a big strange looking animal in my back garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What is he doing with them then?"
"Oh, If I told you," said the old lady, "You would never believe me!"


What do you get if you cross a mole with an elephant?
Big holes in your garden.


Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they don't have glove compartments.


What did the grape do when the elephant sat on it?
It let out a little wine.


How can you tell if an elephant has been sleeping in your bed?
The sheets are wrinkled and the bed smells of peanuts.


Why do elephants have flat feet?
From jumping out of tall trees.


How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?
"He would have left his shoes at the fridge's door, if he was inside."


Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
"Because it was dead."


What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"


Edna: I was top of the class last week.
Mum: How did you achieve that?
Edna: I answered a question about elephants.
Mum: What was the question?
Edna: The teacher asked how many legs an elephant had, and I said five.
Mum: But that's not right.
Edna: I know, but it was the nearest anyone got.


John was so short-sighted he couldn't get to sleep unless he counted elephants.


How do you prevent an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.



 

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