Funny Redneck Jokes

We like to drink their milk and eat their cucumbers. We also like to make jokes about them. Isn't it nasty, eh?

A pair of goats found a roll of Gone With The Wind film and began to chomp away at it, each starting at one end. When they met in the middle, one goat said: "This is a goodie, innit?"
The other goat replied: "It's OK, but I preferred the book."

Once a teacher somewhere in wild parts of Wyoming received a letter from the mother of Billy-Bob. It said:
"Dear teecher, Pleaze excuse Billy-Bob from school last week. His father was ill and the pig had to be fed.
Yours sinisterely, Rose Winkleminks"

John: That lass is a peach.
James: You mean she's hot?
John: No she's got a heart of stone.

Why do white sheep eat more grass than black sheep?
Because there are more of them.

Two farmer wives were picking carrots on a patch. One wife pulled out a large carrot and said:
"This looks just like my husband’s cock."
"Oh," said the other wife with green envy. "Does your old man have such a long stick?"
"No it's just as dirty as this carrot."

A gentleman was driving through a farmland one day when he spotted a farmer standing in the middle of his field without movement. The gentleman stopped his car and watched the farmer as he stood there for a couple of minutes. Then he approached the farmer, coughed and asked:
- I am sorry, sir, but may I ask, what are you doing?
- I am going to get a Nobel Prize.
- How come?
- I have read in a newspaper that they would give a Nobel Prize to one who is out standing in his field.

Once farmer John went with his friends to the town fair to see what’s new. Before he left he told his wife to take a good care of the farm. On his return, he told the wife he was very tired and asked:
- Did you milk the cows?
- Yes.
- Did you feed the horses?
- Yes.
- Did you chop the firewood?
- Yes, dear!
- Did you smear the cart wheels? They are bloody squeaking!
- Oh, yes I did.
- Well, well. Now prepare supper for me. I’ll have a rest. All this work, you know, it’s starting to take its toll over me!

Dotty and Betty shared a field for their two horses. So that they could tell which horse was which, they tied a pink ribbon around Dottie's horse's neck.
But one day when they went strolling down the meadows, the ribbon fell off. "How shall we tell our horses apart now?" wailed Dotty.
"Don't worry, Dotty," said Betty. "You have the black horse and I'll have the white one."

Why did Dotty put the kettle on?
She didn't have anything else to wear.

Betty: "My husband doesn't like anything I cook."
Dotty: "Have you tried cook books?"
Betty: "Oh, do you grill 'em or fry 'em?"

Billy-Bob: Say, do you have holes in your underpants?
Danny: No, of course not.
Billy-Bob: Then how do you get your feet through?

Danny: Dotty, I'm burning with love for you.
Dotty: Oh, Danny, don't make a fuel of yourself.

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