Funny jokes and free naughty pictures.

Martha lost her husband. She had him cremated, took his ashes home, poured them out in the wind blowing on the patio. Tracing her fingers throught them she spoke to him:
"Bob, remember the dish washer you promised me, I bought it with the insurance money, the car you promised me, I bought that too, and the diamond ring, bought that too. Bob, do you remember that blow job I promised you, here it comes."

This joke was sent in by Jimmy Brown. Well, Jimmy's the man. And where the heck is your joke?

Early morning. A crowded bus. A lady approaches a young man:
"Are you going to step out on the next stop?"
"No, madam, I'd step out after the next stop."
"Should we swap, then?"
"What do you mean? I'm stepping out on the next stop and you step out after the next stop?"

A tourist asks the train attendant:
"When will the train stop at Victoria station?"
"I'm afraid we are not calling at Victoria. This is an express."
"It's impossible; I got to get to Victoria!"
"I'm sorry, Sir, the train won't stop."
"Can't you think of some clue?"
"Well, all right, I would ask the machinist to slow down a bit, then I would lift you out the train and put you on the platform."
"Oh, my God, can we work it out?"
"It's worth trying."
Sure do, before closing the station the train slows down; the attendant lifts the tourist out and carefully puts him on the platform. Driven by his own momentum the tourist keeps on running for a while. The last wagon of the train passes and a caring hand reaches out, grabs the runner by the collar and drags him back onto the train.
"What a luck," says the stranger. "I managed to help you inside, this train isn't calling at Victoria!"

Three men talking:
"You know, My girlfriend caught a sight of great black panties. It costed me 100 $."
"That is no deal"
Says the second man. "My wife caught a sight of panties with brilliants. It costed me 1,000 $."
"Oh, well..." Says the third man. "My wife caught a sight of second-hand panties. It costed me 1,000,000 $ and a divorce."
"WHAT??? What shop did she find it in?"
"No shop, pals. She found them in my pocket."

"Hello, pal! How are you doing?"
"Great! My son has just been born."
"What's his name?"
"Rufus. We named him after my grandfather."
"Seems your grandpa was a special person, wasn't he?"
"Nope. The old man was a low turd and a stinkin' rat-eater!"
"Why did you choose his name then?"
"My son is just like him, ooh, little dirty bastard! He's bald, toothless and he shits in his pants just like my grandpa."